A/N: I’d so appreciate if I got some feed back on this :)
I sat on the chair next his bed in King Edward VII hospital. He’s been asleep for the past 4 days. In that time, I absolutely refused to leave his side. It literally took all of Liam and Louis’ strength to drag me to the bathroom for a shower. Where I just stood under the shower head, letting my tears mix with the water.
But now, I sat next to him, clutching his hand as if I was the one on life support, as if letting go would lead to my demise. “Please Zayn, wake up,” I whispered, before setting my head down on the bed space next to his arm. I squeezed his hand tighter, in hopes that maybe-just maybe, he’d squeeze back.
I thought I was hallucinating at first. I thought the pressure around my hand was my mind playing tricks on me. But when I heard the groan come from up above me, my head snapped up instantaneously. My eyes searched Zayn’s angel face. His eyes fluttered open and for the first time in 96 hours, my hazel eyes met his honey eyes. “Water…” He croaked. “Of course!” I jumped up and grabbed an empty plastic cup from the counter next to the sink, filling it up with water and stink the straw inside.
“Here,” I whispered, holding the straw to Zayn’s lips, which were just starting to regain their natural pink color. I placed my manicured hand on the back of his head so he wouldn’t choke on the water. Once he finished, I reached out to press the Nurse Call button. “No,” He whispered very weakly. “Zayn, I have to tell them you’re awake.”
He shook his head stubbornly. “What about the boys? They’re down in the cafeteria. Niall will be ecstatic when he finds out you’re awake.”
“No, Laurel, please. I just…I want a second with you,” He pleaded. His voice was weak and frail much like his body. He was pale and looked as if he could easily break. “Laurel, I love you so much. This year has been…the best year of my life because of you.” I shook my head violently. “Stop it. Stop saying good-bye, Z. You’re gonna be fine.”
“Because of you,” He continued, “I learned how to love. You make me happy and I want to thank you for that. You’re amazing…really. You are.” It seemed like a struggle for him to get his words out and it only made the tears fall faster. “And I want you to have this,” He handed me the necklace that was on the bedside table, the silver one with the cross that had been in his family for years.
“Zayn, please stop. You aren’t going anywhere,” I begged. “You love me, right?” He asked quietly. “Of course! Why would you ask that!? I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. You’re my everything.”
“Then promise me you’ll move on. Find someone who makes you happy and who loves you like you love me. You deserve nothing but happiness and love.”
I cried even harder and nodded, “Okay. Okay, I’ll try. For you, I promise.”
“And one more thing, it’s hard to talk, it hurts, so just one more thing?” He asked. I nodded, “Anything, my love, absolutely anything.”
“Tell the boys to continue. The fans would be so hurt if they didn’t and I can’t bear the thought of One Direction not existing in my absence.” I choked on a sob, “Okay, I’ll tell them, I love you, Zayn.”
“I love you, Laurel Charlotte Greene,” He whispered. He closed his eyes and cleared his throat. His breathing slowed just slightly and he had fallen asleep. I stared down at him with tears making the very sight of him blurry. Not 2 minutes after he fell asleep the machine next to him started to beep.
Everything went in slow motion at first, my eyes wandered to the screen where the usually bumpy line was a sick flat line. Then, in the stillness of the room, everything went from zero to sixty in 2.1 seconds. Nurses rushed in, followed by the four boys. My sobs became screams, “No! Zayn don’t! Don’t you dare leave me! Don’t you fucking dare! Please, no!”
“Charge to 200,” the doctor said, rubbing the defibrillators together. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and pull me to the corner of the room. “No!” I struggled and screamed, the tears showing no mercy. “Zayn! Please, you can’t do this! Oh, God, no! Please! Zayn, you bastard, come back!”
“Clear!” I watched in sheer terror as Dr. Toulson pressed the paddles to Zayn’s chest, shocking him. I let out another sob as I watched his back arch off the bed.
“Laurel, he’ll be okay, he’ll make it,” Harry whispered in my ear. I shook my head, “Zayn, please.”
“Charge to 250,” the doctor commanded. “Clear,” Zayn’s back arched violently again, “You promised you’d never leave me, Zayn, please,” I pleaded.
“Charge to 300…clear!” The line on the monitor still blinked flat at the beeping still pierced my ear drums. “No!” I screamed again, and broke free from Harry’s grasp, only to be locked in Louis’ arms. I thrashed violently against him, wanting nothing more than to run in to Zayn’s arms and stay there forever.
“Charge to 350,” The doctor shouted. “Clear!” I could hear the shock and Zayn’s body landing on the bed.
“Charge to 400,” The doctor demanded, frustration clear in his voice. “But that’s highly dangerous,” The nurse protested. “Just do it anyway,” He snapped. In that moment, if I wasn’t in hysterics or he wasn’t in the middle of reviving my boyfriend, I could have hugged the doctor for being so persistent.
“Clear!” I buried my head in Louis’ cotton clad chest. A hush filled the room, no one dared make a sound, in desperate hope that the EKG would beep as normal. Instead, one solitary beep blared in its place.
Dr. Toulson sighed loudly, “Call it,” He muttered almost broken heartedly. “Time of death,” A nurse began, “20:13:51.” I sob ripped through my entire body and my knees gave out, sending me and Louis into a crying, teary heap on the floor.
“I am truly deeply sorry for your loss, the whole lot of you. We tried everything, really. My deepest condolences,” The doctor said to us, at least that’s what Niall told me later. I hadn’t heard him. The only sound I could hear was the incessant beeping from the monitor.
I stood over Zayn’s cold, literally lifeless body. “You promised! You swore you’d never leave me! Dammit, you fucking lied!” I screeched. I slammed my fist on his chest in a desperate, futile attempt in bringing him back so I could slap him. “If you were alive right now, I’d murder you. Zayn, I need you. I can’t do this without you. Please, I-I-I love you! You bastard, come back! Please, please, please, please,” I enunciated each word with a slam to his naked chest. I choked out another sob and rested my head on his cold chest. I looked at his frighteningly angelic face, “Please.”
I stayed like that for a few minutes, the tears leaking onto his chest. I pressed my ear to his chest and strained to hear something I know I would never hear. The rhythmic beating of his heart. When I didn’t hear it, I stood straight and wiped the tears from my face, though it was pointless.
I sighed deeply and pressed my lips to his for the last time. “I love you so much baby, I promise, I’ll never forget you.” I ran my hand down his cheek for the last time, memorizing the feel of his stubble under my fingertips. I turned and slowly and, like a zombie, walked out of the room, looking down at the cross I had clenched tightly in my hand. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.